When It Seems There Isn't A Winner

The concept of this blog is that you can only truly be a "winner" if it is others that you are winning for. In other words, if your purpose for "what you do" is to add value and help others, when you are successful, you will literally "Win For Them".  However, what is someone supposed to do when they make every effort to accomplish this very thing, and the people that he is striving to win for, act in a way that prevents that from happening. This happens in personal life, business, volunteering - pretty much everywhere someone is working to make a difference, there will always be someone or some group of people who work to undue the effect of that person.  My question then is, What is the proper reaction when this happens

In most cases, when someone has set out to do good, and others try to turn it to bad, people have a tendency to get defensive.  I think for any of us who have been in a situation similar to this can relate to the desire to make sure people remember who we are and not believe these types of horrific lies.  Not long ago, something like this happened to a friend of mine. He had made some decisions that another viewed incorrectly, and when my friend attempted to set the record straight they were met with that myth "the only reason you are so upset is that it is true." 

I am here to tell you that attempting to defend your good name or your intentions to someone who is set to distort them isn't a good strategy.  As a matter of fact, if you do, you will most likely just add fuel to a fire that will only burn you.  Have you ever been involved with a situation that starts out as minor thing but because of the reactions of the people involved it ends up having a "life of it's own."

Here are a few tips that I have found valuable - even though I don't always apply them.

1. Make sure you understanding the point being made.  There are times where there is a misunderstanding at the core of the issue, and a rush to protect a good intentioned effort, causes that misunderstanding to not be discernible.  If you have ever been a disagreement and then looked back and had a hard time remembering what started it, then it was probably one of these situations - the disagreement became the disagreement.
2. Find what is accurate in the response to your good intentions.  Sometimes, even when we are doing our best to do "good deeds" there are consequences to them, and others will be effected.  For example, if a President of a company has to make tough decisions that will help the company become stronger and more profitable, but others will lose their job - then there will be those who look for the "wrong" in those decisions because they don't like the outcome.  I think one of the best ways to defuse that situation is to find the truth in their reaction and acknowledge that you see that, and then hopefully gain an opportunity to explain the reasons so they can have some perspective that will help them understand it.
3. Agree to disagree. When there really is just a black and white disagreement, where the two people just can't come to an agreement, then the best thing to do is to offer to agree to disagree. However, this is NOT a good initial reaction, because if used to keep from having to try to find a solution, then you are only wanting to say you are right and the other person is wrong (and even when this is true, the process matters). 

The phrase "nice guys finish last" is sometimes true, so if you set out to Win For Them, expect that there will be setbacks along the way.  But, if your purpose is true and you believe in what you are doing and that it has value, don't allow these setbacks to slow you down - the world us full of people who only want to find what is wrong and bring others to their negative viewpoints, but the world NEEDS people who are truly trying to bring a positive victory for the benefit of others...in other words let's WIN FOR THEM!

Excellence in Leadership

Greetings:

There have been so many books written on this subject (a recent google search on "leadership books" had 687,000 pages) that it is easy to get confused on what Excellent Leadership is, please know that I won't be solving that on this blog.  However, in this update, I will a) Simplify a few things regarding leadership, b) dispel a few myths and c) suggest a few key aspects of excellent leadership.

In the area of simplification, I like what John Maxwell said in one of his books on the subject (I have read so many of his books, I can't place the quotes - sorry) when trying to define what it means to be a leader, he said this; "a leader has followers!"  That has stuck with me since that second, and I believe this to be the truest definition I have ever seen.  Most of us know people in leadership positions, who have grand titles, but in reality aren't leaders at all - just people with titles and ideas that nobody wants to follow.  Mr. Maxwell correctly suggests that if you are in a position of leadership and you look behind you and there is nobody there, you are not a leader.

In the "leadership arena" there are many myths that I run across often and I wanted to discuss a few of them today;

• To be a great leader, one must have a "touchy-feely approach to their followers."  This is absolutely false, but, I don't want anyone to read this as coming from a cold-hearted narcissist, who only wants people to do as he says.   Instead I want to suggest that there is a higher calling of leaders.  In order to care about those who are "followers" you must care first about the outcome of the company/organization - if it fails, they will be negatively impacted and it won't matter how many times you said you cared, the question will remain - did you really?  Having said that - understanding and caring about what is important to those you lead is a must if you are to lead effectively.  As Bob Burg points out in his blog, there is a "Monetary Value to Feel Good Employees" .
• All great leaders work more than anyone in the company!  What, how is this in the "myth" part of the blog??? Though it isn't uncommon for great leaders to also be work-a-holics, this isn't always a must for a great leader, and I would even suggest that the best leaders get their companies to a place where they are not having to drive the success of their team any longer (sure hope that proves true in my life). However, great leaders will do "what it takes" and in small growing companies, sweat is usually the most important resource and needs to be a focus.  Having said that, there is a danger of a leader who continually is over-worked (another blog all-together). 
• Great leaders always succeed.  This is the biggest one of all, there could be nothing more from the truth.  If you doubt that, study up on the failures of great leaders, there are likely more failures then successes.  Having said that, there are sometimes real reasons that people in leadership fail (and/or their companies do).  Lisa Petrilli recently blogged "5 Reasons Visionary Leaders May Fail to Execute" and I believe it is a great read!

I don't pretend to know all the aspect of great leadership, or claim to be an expert in the area, but have spent many hours studying, reading and listening to those who are, and as a result, have come up with a short list of "must haves" criteria that I believe are key to all effective leaders.

• Excellent leaders lead as an overflow of "why" they do what they do.  Please take 18 minutes to watch this video from Simon Sinek if you have not doe so before, it is foundational to great leadership.  If you are a leader asking people to follow you to reach an "end" and it isn't attached to a greater "why" purpose, you will most likely be required to surround yourself with people who will ruin the journey, even if you do find the "end" you want.  To me, that isn't worth the journey, though I realize that to some it is. 
• Excellent leaders concern themselves with the wants and desires of their followers, either through direct communication or by a systematized method of communication through other leadership (necessitated by size of the organization).
• Excellent leaders establish priorities and focus on them in the workplace.  This is by far one of the most important and misunderstood key principles.  The reason I say misunderstood is because just because someone does this at work, doesn't mean there is a carryover to their personal life.  That is why there are so many great leaders who have had a personal life that is the exact opposite.  They disregard family and all things that should be valued in their personal life, while maintaining the highest level of professional efficiencies imaginable.  Their company grows to huge profits, while their personal life is crumbling around them.  I am not suggesting that these individuals be commended for this, but instead that one who fails in a successful personal life issue, isn't discredited from being a great leader in business, as well as conversely, that one who is a great leader at work, be automatically respected in other arenas as a result of that success (which happens way too often). 
• Excellent leaders ask for, accept and apply criticisms. This is an absolute!  To be a great leader, you must be willing and able to hear where you aren't succeeding and to work toward growing successes in the areas that you are failing in.  However, a leader doesn't create an environment that encourages this type of feedback, all they will receive is what their employees believe they want to be told, leading to certain failure.
• Excellent leaders execute. Not all leaders execute, but the excellent ones do, and will not accept anything less.

•  leaders focus on WINNING FOR THEM...sorry, had to put in the plug. 

Value of Shared Experiences

Greetings:

It has been a long time, how have you been?  I was moved by a post today, one that especially touched me, and I was reminded that I should make posting a priority, so, here it goes.

I was reminded by Allison Nazarian how important what we share can be for others - even when we might think it won't be of great significance.  So the nature of this post....Share Your Thoughts!

You see, the things we experience have purpose, even when we don't know it.  However, they have influence only when we share them.  Things in this life don't just happen, I believe (I know this won't be shared by all who read) they are part of a plan that is meant to effect others as well.  Too often though, we are too consumed by ourselves, and the urgent things that "we need to do" that we forget that to keep it to ourselves, limits the value of the experiences we have.

Also, share what impacts you.  I wouldn't have seen what Allison wrote, if Bob Burg hadn't taken the time to share it.  Thanks Bob!

Please be intentional in your life to share with others, which will help us all "Win For Them".

Sincerely and Humbly,
Steve