When It Seems There Isn't A Winner

The concept of this blog is that you can only truly be a "winner" if it is others that you are winning for. In other words, if your purpose for "what you do" is to add value and help others, when you are successful, you will literally "Win For Them".  However, what is someone supposed to do when they make every effort to accomplish this very thing, and the people that he is striving to win for, act in a way that prevents that from happening. This happens in personal life, business, volunteering - pretty much everywhere someone is working to make a difference, there will always be someone or some group of people who work to undue the effect of that person.  My question then is, What is the proper reaction when this happens

In most cases, when someone has set out to do good, and others try to turn it to bad, people have a tendency to get defensive.  I think for any of us who have been in a situation similar to this can relate to the desire to make sure people remember who we are and not believe these types of horrific lies.  Not long ago, something like this happened to a friend of mine. He had made some decisions that another viewed incorrectly, and when my friend attempted to set the record straight they were met with that myth "the only reason you are so upset is that it is true." 

I am here to tell you that attempting to defend your good name or your intentions to someone who is set to distort them isn't a good strategy.  As a matter of fact, if you do, you will most likely just add fuel to a fire that will only burn you.  Have you ever been involved with a situation that starts out as minor thing but because of the reactions of the people involved it ends up having a "life of it's own."

Here are a few tips that I have found valuable - even though I don't always apply them.

1. Make sure you understanding the point being made.  There are times where there is a misunderstanding at the core of the issue, and a rush to protect a good intentioned effort, causes that misunderstanding to not be discernible.  If you have ever been a disagreement and then looked back and had a hard time remembering what started it, then it was probably one of these situations - the disagreement became the disagreement.
2. Find what is accurate in the response to your good intentions.  Sometimes, even when we are doing our best to do "good deeds" there are consequences to them, and others will be effected.  For example, if a President of a company has to make tough decisions that will help the company become stronger and more profitable, but others will lose their job - then there will be those who look for the "wrong" in those decisions because they don't like the outcome.  I think one of the best ways to defuse that situation is to find the truth in their reaction and acknowledge that you see that, and then hopefully gain an opportunity to explain the reasons so they can have some perspective that will help them understand it.
3. Agree to disagree. When there really is just a black and white disagreement, where the two people just can't come to an agreement, then the best thing to do is to offer to agree to disagree. However, this is NOT a good initial reaction, because if used to keep from having to try to find a solution, then you are only wanting to say you are right and the other person is wrong (and even when this is true, the process matters). 

The phrase "nice guys finish last" is sometimes true, so if you set out to Win For Them, expect that there will be setbacks along the way.  But, if your purpose is true and you believe in what you are doing and that it has value, don't allow these setbacks to slow you down - the world us full of people who only want to find what is wrong and bring others to their negative viewpoints, but the world NEEDS people who are truly trying to bring a positive victory for the benefit of others...in other words let's WIN FOR THEM!