The Impact of a Life Well Lived - Larry Kooi

Greetings:

It is with a heavy heart that I write. A man who has been my boss, mentor and friend has passed away.

I knew of Larry as a kid when he coached girls basketball at Lake Worth Christian, because my dad coached against him. However, I didn't really get to know him until much later when he hired me to coach the boys basketball team at Lake Worth Christian. However, he was leaving for a sabbatical and the interim administrator decided to bring in another coach. I remember how frustrated I was at hearing this and wondering why God would allow such a thing, but He did have a purpose for it, and as a result, I gained two very good friends. Larry, and the other coach that was hired in place of me.

Larry stayed in touch and left a year later for a school in Alabama, I still remember him telling me - Huntsville is nothing like you are thinking when you think of Alabama. Two years later, he contacted me through a friend and asked if I might like to come to his new school to coach the basketball team - I basically said yes even though I knew nothing about the school and had never been to Huntsville.

That year, I wasn't able to find someone to coach the JV team, so you guessed it, Larry did. What fun it was to get to have your boss be your subordinate at the same time - only a few could handle it as well as Larry did. Over the years, his friendship has meant more to me than almost anyone I've ever known. He had such passion for his family, friends and life in general. Not everyone had the same experience with him when he was the administrator as I did, but nobody ever doubted his authentic love for them. He was one of a kind when it came to that. I will likely never know that type of work relationship again. He had this amazing ability of letting you know when you had done something wrong (I experienced this more than most) but never made you feel like a disappointment either. He was a true mentor in every sense of the word.

I was looking forward to experiencing more of that in the year to come as he was going to begin to mentor me in the craft of administrative placement. Just a couple months ago, I got to spend over an hour listening to him share how "easy" it is (he was so humble he thought he didn't have much to share, but an hour later, I said, you should write a book) and it convinced me how much I needed to learn from him instead. He shared that he was wanting to start truly being retired and get to travel with his wife to Europe and places they had always talked about going - and they, of all people deserved to!Though we never understand the "why" at the time, I am trusting again for God to be glorified even in this tragedy.

Please join me in praying for his amazing wife Gail, his three children and the rest of his family as they both mourn the loss and celebrate a life well lived. I will miss hearing his voice and our conversations very much!

Spend 30 minutes meeting my "HERO"

There are "some" people in this world who just make life easier for others. There are "some" people in this life who just seem to "get it". There are "some" people who are always giving. There are "some" people in this life who live in a constant blend between what they say and what they do, and it always matches. There are "some" people in this life who care about others....then, there IS Melissa. She was all of that and more to so many people.  I hope you will spend the time to click on the links and get to know my hero and her hero as well.

She was called princess, angel, and other nicknames, but she to me will always be my one and only Missy. That nickname will never be used by me again, kind of the way a team retires a jersey for a star player - Missy is that star.

There are other similarities between her and a star athlete, though certainly not in her look. By the time this disgusting disease (and all the collateral problems it caused, cancer, osteoporosis, arthritis, kidney failure, diabetes, etc) was done with her, she had the body of a young teenager. However, if a person could be truly measured like a marketing program, Missy was a star in every way imaginable, because she impacted all who came in contact with her. Everyone who ever met her was instantly connected, because they were immediately part of a unique group of people, and would for the rest of their life, claim it as such - they knew Melissa Boyett. One of my favorite stories was when I was at a conference in Oregon, and a person noticed my last name and quickly asked, "you aren't related to Melissa Boyett are you?" They had been visiting family in Jacksonville, and saw her on the news, but months later, still recalled her name, and shared the impact her story had on them with me. That was not uncommon. If you are reading this and are starting to think, I want to know more, be careful, there will be responsibility that comes from learning more (don't say you were not warned).  Her story will go on, and she will be remembered far longer than most athletes will, and in the grand scheme of life, her impact will be much larger. The reason, she understood what a blessing each day is, and lived her entire life that way. Watch this!

After watching the movie The Bucket List, Missy made one, and then got many done. There are many I don't know, but one was to skydive...you guessed it, she did it (osteoporosis, failing lungs, low oxygen levels and all). I was so blessed to be part of one of her items, she had always wanted to go to Nashville and see the live music artist - last May...CHECK!  

I feel as if I could write a book about her, and if anyone's life ever deserved one, it was hers. However, to be fair, she wouldn't want it that way. You see, what makes here who she IS, is that her life was never about her, it was about HIM.  She was the girl that when she said she would pray for you, she did.  I remember when she was so little, and was first diagnosed with CF, I remember wanting to not get close to her, so I wouldn't have to feel the pain of her death, that didn't last very long. She won me over, as she did anyone else who ever had such a selfish thought. I remember the first time I heard Garth Brooks sing "The Dance", I knew, I would be so glad I had danced with her - both figuratively and literally!

Even though I have used the word "IS" for her life in this post, she passed on today. My hero is now with her hero rejoicing. She no longer has pain, and can finally know rest.  I find myself feeling a little strange tonight, didn't really see this coming. I know I am supposed to be sad, and I have cried, and suspect I will shed many more tears while missing her, but right now, I am just so happy for her, that I am no able to connect to the sadness I think I should have. I miss her, but am thrilled for her too. Another song that always made
 me think of her and how she would get to rest one day - Go Rest Missy!
The hardest part of the future is to think of what her legacy will be. The funny thing about it is, the truest way to honor her, is to point to her hero, not mine. As a result, I will close this blog with a link to her testimony, which is just the spoken words of the life she lived. The thing that made Melissa so unique, is that she was "some" of all that is supposed to be, all wrapped up in a body that most wouldn't want, which made the truth about who she IS so much clearer to see. Praise God for His amazing plan, and for how He uses even the worst, for His best - it is as how Missy would want it!

When It Seems There Isn't A Winner

The concept of this blog is that you can only truly be a "winner" if it is others that you are winning for. In other words, if your purpose for "what you do" is to add value and help others, when you are successful, you will literally "Win For Them".  However, what is someone supposed to do when they make every effort to accomplish this very thing, and the people that he is striving to win for, act in a way that prevents that from happening. This happens in personal life, business, volunteering - pretty much everywhere someone is working to make a difference, there will always be someone or some group of people who work to undue the effect of that person.  My question then is, What is the proper reaction when this happens

In most cases, when someone has set out to do good, and others try to turn it to bad, people have a tendency to get defensive.  I think for any of us who have been in a situation similar to this can relate to the desire to make sure people remember who we are and not believe these types of horrific lies.  Not long ago, something like this happened to a friend of mine. He had made some decisions that another viewed incorrectly, and when my friend attempted to set the record straight they were met with that myth "the only reason you are so upset is that it is true." 

I am here to tell you that attempting to defend your good name or your intentions to someone who is set to distort them isn't a good strategy.  As a matter of fact, if you do, you will most likely just add fuel to a fire that will only burn you.  Have you ever been involved with a situation that starts out as minor thing but because of the reactions of the people involved it ends up having a "life of it's own."

Here are a few tips that I have found valuable - even though I don't always apply them.

1. Make sure you understanding the point being made.  There are times where there is a misunderstanding at the core of the issue, and a rush to protect a good intentioned effort, causes that misunderstanding to not be discernible.  If you have ever been a disagreement and then looked back and had a hard time remembering what started it, then it was probably one of these situations - the disagreement became the disagreement.
2. Find what is accurate in the response to your good intentions.  Sometimes, even when we are doing our best to do "good deeds" there are consequences to them, and others will be effected.  For example, if a President of a company has to make tough decisions that will help the company become stronger and more profitable, but others will lose their job - then there will be those who look for the "wrong" in those decisions because they don't like the outcome.  I think one of the best ways to defuse that situation is to find the truth in their reaction and acknowledge that you see that, and then hopefully gain an opportunity to explain the reasons so they can have some perspective that will help them understand it.
3. Agree to disagree. When there really is just a black and white disagreement, where the two people just can't come to an agreement, then the best thing to do is to offer to agree to disagree. However, this is NOT a good initial reaction, because if used to keep from having to try to find a solution, then you are only wanting to say you are right and the other person is wrong (and even when this is true, the process matters). 

The phrase "nice guys finish last" is sometimes true, so if you set out to Win For Them, expect that there will be setbacks along the way.  But, if your purpose is true and you believe in what you are doing and that it has value, don't allow these setbacks to slow you down - the world us full of people who only want to find what is wrong and bring others to their negative viewpoints, but the world NEEDS people who are truly trying to bring a positive victory for the benefit of others...in other words let's WIN FOR THEM!

Excellence in Leadership

Greetings:

There have been so many books written on this subject (a recent google search on "leadership books" had 687,000 pages) that it is easy to get confused on what Excellent Leadership is, please know that I won't be solving that on this blog.  However, in this update, I will a) Simplify a few things regarding leadership, b) dispel a few myths and c) suggest a few key aspects of excellent leadership.

In the area of simplification, I like what John Maxwell said in one of his books on the subject (I have read so many of his books, I can't place the quotes - sorry) when trying to define what it means to be a leader, he said this; "a leader has followers!"  That has stuck with me since that second, and I believe this to be the truest definition I have ever seen.  Most of us know people in leadership positions, who have grand titles, but in reality aren't leaders at all - just people with titles and ideas that nobody wants to follow.  Mr. Maxwell correctly suggests that if you are in a position of leadership and you look behind you and there is nobody there, you are not a leader.

In the "leadership arena" there are many myths that I run across often and I wanted to discuss a few of them today;

• To be a great leader, one must have a "touchy-feely approach to their followers."  This is absolutely false, but, I don't want anyone to read this as coming from a cold-hearted narcissist, who only wants people to do as he says.   Instead I want to suggest that there is a higher calling of leaders.  In order to care about those who are "followers" you must care first about the outcome of the company/organization - if it fails, they will be negatively impacted and it won't matter how many times you said you cared, the question will remain - did you really?  Having said that - understanding and caring about what is important to those you lead is a must if you are to lead effectively.  As Bob Burg points out in his blog, there is a "Monetary Value to Feel Good Employees" .
• All great leaders work more than anyone in the company!  What, how is this in the "myth" part of the blog??? Though it isn't uncommon for great leaders to also be work-a-holics, this isn't always a must for a great leader, and I would even suggest that the best leaders get their companies to a place where they are not having to drive the success of their team any longer (sure hope that proves true in my life). However, great leaders will do "what it takes" and in small growing companies, sweat is usually the most important resource and needs to be a focus.  Having said that, there is a danger of a leader who continually is over-worked (another blog all-together). 
• Great leaders always succeed.  This is the biggest one of all, there could be nothing more from the truth.  If you doubt that, study up on the failures of great leaders, there are likely more failures then successes.  Having said that, there are sometimes real reasons that people in leadership fail (and/or their companies do).  Lisa Petrilli recently blogged "5 Reasons Visionary Leaders May Fail to Execute" and I believe it is a great read!

I don't pretend to know all the aspect of great leadership, or claim to be an expert in the area, but have spent many hours studying, reading and listening to those who are, and as a result, have come up with a short list of "must haves" criteria that I believe are key to all effective leaders.

• Excellent leaders lead as an overflow of "why" they do what they do.  Please take 18 minutes to watch this video from Simon Sinek if you have not doe so before, it is foundational to great leadership.  If you are a leader asking people to follow you to reach an "end" and it isn't attached to a greater "why" purpose, you will most likely be required to surround yourself with people who will ruin the journey, even if you do find the "end" you want.  To me, that isn't worth the journey, though I realize that to some it is. 
• Excellent leaders concern themselves with the wants and desires of their followers, either through direct communication or by a systematized method of communication through other leadership (necessitated by size of the organization).
• Excellent leaders establish priorities and focus on them in the workplace.  This is by far one of the most important and misunderstood key principles.  The reason I say misunderstood is because just because someone does this at work, doesn't mean there is a carryover to their personal life.  That is why there are so many great leaders who have had a personal life that is the exact opposite.  They disregard family and all things that should be valued in their personal life, while maintaining the highest level of professional efficiencies imaginable.  Their company grows to huge profits, while their personal life is crumbling around them.  I am not suggesting that these individuals be commended for this, but instead that one who fails in a successful personal life issue, isn't discredited from being a great leader in business, as well as conversely, that one who is a great leader at work, be automatically respected in other arenas as a result of that success (which happens way too often). 
• Excellent leaders ask for, accept and apply criticisms. This is an absolute!  To be a great leader, you must be willing and able to hear where you aren't succeeding and to work toward growing successes in the areas that you are failing in.  However, a leader doesn't create an environment that encourages this type of feedback, all they will receive is what their employees believe they want to be told, leading to certain failure.
• Excellent leaders execute. Not all leaders execute, but the excellent ones do, and will not accept anything less.

•  leaders focus on WINNING FOR THEM...sorry, had to put in the plug. 

Value of Shared Experiences

Greetings:

It has been a long time, how have you been?  I was moved by a post today, one that especially touched me, and I was reminded that I should make posting a priority, so, here it goes.

I was reminded by Allison Nazarian how important what we share can be for others - even when we might think it won't be of great significance.  So the nature of this post....Share Your Thoughts!

You see, the things we experience have purpose, even when we don't know it.  However, they have influence only when we share them.  Things in this life don't just happen, I believe (I know this won't be shared by all who read) they are part of a plan that is meant to effect others as well.  Too often though, we are too consumed by ourselves, and the urgent things that "we need to do" that we forget that to keep it to ourselves, limits the value of the experiences we have.

Also, share what impacts you.  I wouldn't have seen what Allison wrote, if Bob Burg hadn't taken the time to share it.  Thanks Bob!

Please be intentional in your life to share with others, which will help us all "Win For Them".

Sincerely and Humbly,
Steve

Your New Job Description: I Create Value

In Bob Burg and John David Mann’s latest book “Go-Givers Sell More,” there is an interesting twist on the job description for someone in sales.  

“Your job is not to make a sale (importantly noted earlier – impossible to do) but to create something else: value. In fact, as a salesperson you can define your job description in three words: I create value.”

I have to admit, the first time I read this, I altered it in my mind to read, “I present value” meaning, my job is to show the value others will receive by hiring our company.  However, that is NOT the case – my job, your job…everyone’s job, whether in sales or not, is “To Create Value.”  This is one of those processes versus product concepts.  Too often, we focus on the value that a client experiences as a result of the product they are purchasing, instead of the value we create through servicing them.  Let me illustrate for you.  

Recently, I stayed in two different hotels on the same business trip. They were each quality hotels, a Marriott property and a Crowne Plaza.  I paid almost the exact same price for the rooms, but had very different experiences.  At the first property, I arrived around 1:00 pm to find that they had no rooms clean for me.  Adding to the struggle, I had accidentally booked at a location that was out of the way from my very tight travel schedule, so I had little room for inconvenience. At the next location, I arrived, was checked in to my room, no hassles, no struggles, great location…etc.  However, which location provided the best value to me – not what you might think, it was the first property.  You see, it wasn’t the difficulty that defined my stay, it was the service.  

Shortly after the front desk worker had told me it might be an hour, he set a bell on the counter and disappeared (to which I mistakenly thought, “great, now he’s going to lunch”).  He returned 10 minutes later to check me in.  I had indicated how tight my schedule was and my mistake in selection of hotel.  He had gone to assist the cleaning staff to get a room ready for me!!!  Are you kidding me, that was a first.  Then, he asked where I was traveling, and after sharing where I was headed, he realized that there was much road construction and that the normal google map route would most likely take me through it and make me late. He didn’t tell me this, because he understood I needed to get into the room, shave, shower, iron, etc.  Not five minutes after I left him at the desk, the employee slid a piece of paper under the door – you guessed it, an alternate route for me, and a hand written note indicating that I could take the bottles of water with me at no charge, so I wouldn’t have to stop to get anything along the way (it was in Arizona and the temperature was 110).  I stay in hotels often, but this was the first time that an employee had ever gone through this kind of effort to serve me, and I quickly went from thinking “what a stupid mistake I had made selecting this hotel” to saying “anytime I am in the Phoenix area, I’m staying here!”

This employee “created value.” He didn’t rely on the nice new pillows or cushy king size bed to make me feel better, he made sure I would.  That is what we are to do, create value!  As the title of this blog indicates, if you focus on “winning for them” that will be a natural occurring result.  Remember, value starts with hello!

Hope is a Terrible Strategy

Today the President spoke of more "hope" and the title of this blog entry was evidenced once again.  Now, don't get me wrong, it is important to have hope, but to base decisions on "hope" isn't an effective strategy.

I would suggest instead, to hope in strategy!  In business, there will always be a risk-reward equation, and most of that comes from this concept of "hope".  However, if you find yourself constantly forecasting by saying, "I hope..." (fill in the words), then you are most likely creating chaos in your company, home, or wherever.  Let me suggest a few simple strategies to step through when hoping for a better future, or outcome.

1. What are the known variables?  As you look into the future, how much of your new idea or "hope" is based on things that you can identify? Once you know what they are, attached a tangible measurement to them, and MEASURE them.  When speculating about what might happen, measuring assumptions of what you do know, is a key to knowing how far to push the envelope as you move forward into the unknown areas.
2. What can you risk?  It is important to identify a limit to risk.  When you combine this with step 1, you can keep a constant risk assessment equation.  Also, if you are finding that things are going better than "hoped for", you can potentially increase the goal, because the risk is diminished by the success.
3. Be prepared to fail!  I remember seeing this quote sometime ago on a blog, and I wrote it down, "Life's real failure is when you do not realize how close you were to success when you gave up."  Too often, fear will cause a person, company, etc to quit just a little too soon, so they won't have to "have failed." If it is worth doing, it is worth failing at, don't forget that.

This is a somewhat simplistic and generic look at a way to have hope, without having hope as a strategy.  I "hope" it helps you be able to WIN FOR THEM!

Steve Boyett